Page 524 - NUAFC EBook

maintenance of the river’s water levels. many similar experiences ended prematurely and the early
A sticker for the rules of the game, Putu could often retirement of my shoes. An imaginative player on the pitch,
be heard lamenting the loss of players base respect for Dan is also credited as a co-creator of the Magic D rules of
match officials. Living by a strict moral code, he always Imbibing.
addressed the referee as “sir” even when providing a more His physical stature and commanding presence,
enthusiastic interpretation of the rules. belied a calm demeanour and a mature level head, far
Eye witnesses have attested to his athletic grace and beyond his years. While his initial forays into national
poise when manoeuvring around the pitch, this striker of a league football can be viewed as having brought many
bygone era would go on to receive top marks from what has successes, he has since evolved beyond his playing years
now has been renamed the Neymar School for Wayward and reached the epitome of football, counting himself a
Children. Putu’s talents saw him easily code-hop between member of the Ngaruawahia Alumni.
football and league and is now a permanent fixture of the
local bowls club. TIM KAUTAI
A lover of music, he can claim as one of his talents
to be able to accurately guess the length of any classic rock 1995-2000, 2006-16
ballad and can claim to having met Bruce Springsteen, Originally hailing from Cambodia, this diminutive
receiving a song dedication to him at one of his concerts. He winger first appeared in Ngaruawahia on the back of a
can also recount, with near eidetic memory the set list from travelling Asian Contortion Performance troupe. He would
the Police concert at Western Springs 2008. eventually come to plie his trade terrorising defences for the
Green Machine.
From his hesitant start in the junior club where he
th
RICHIE HARRIS stood head and shoulders above his 13 grade Ninja’s
aka “DELBOY, PHANTOM” teammates, he would eventually transition into the senior
club, making as many Northern League appearances as he is
2005-12, 2018 centimetres tall. Often juggling football appearances in
Richie is an undervalued talent in Ngaruawahia
football history. His rap sheet of exploits rival even those of between rides as a Jockey.

Despite his compact stature, his speed and work rate
some of the more colourful members; however, in a much
shorter timeframe and often with more nudity. This made him a welcome addition to any starting eleven. With
willingness to shed his clothing and don the emperors cloak an ability to leap far above defences, his goal tally includes
many memorable headers making him the most unlikely of
at crucial moments, have led to awkward work functions,
and hilarious team celebrations. Backstroking in the aerial threats. Although he has now traded in the green
company pool and tumbling into the Cazbar band only grass of the Waikato for the familiarity of a concrete jungle,
Tim still maintains his speed and footwork playing
added to his legend.
An authoritative and commanding presence on the competitive Touch Rugby for which he also has a talent. On
field, this silent achiever (but natural leader) played the side-line, Tim’s mother, Wendy, can loudly be heard
lamenting the fact that he has yet to produce for her any
numerous games for the green machine following a brief
stint at Melville United. grandchildren.
This past and present club member has been known
to be free with his football knowledge around the Waikato, BRIAN “SLY” HOLLOWAY
most recently assisting the club in gaining promotion into 1992-2002, 2010-16
the WaiBoP Premiership. Not much is known of this quiet, reserved, once
A natural forager, Richie has been known to prefer former librarian. Although a self-proclaimed social savant,
the sanctity of a wheelbarrow and tarp over a comfy Sly would gracefully amble into any situation be it a match
mattress and is loosely credited with coming up with the warm up or club evening. Ever the illusionist and master of
idea for Uber following his late-night request to the Fire misdirection, he would appear as if by magic from behind
Department seeking a ride back to Ngaruawahia. the changing rooms upon kick off.
Ever the purveyor of the latest in exercise Formerly dubbed Mr Asia, due to his successful
equipment, this natural born salesman continues in his quest management of a Nike Shoe Factory, Sly’s history remains
to become a millionaire, investing heavily in bitcoin and an enigma to all but his closest confidants. His family have
online currency. launched several inquiries into the details of his childhood
which he has had stripped from his record, successfully
DAN TOULSON repurposing all academic record of his appearances and
honourable mentions in the local papers. He even went so
2004-08, 2014 far as to maintain a position within the public library service
Much like Jeff Wilson and Andre Agassi this for this very purpose, long after the medium had died a slow
towering blond centre back has fled to America to try and death.
combat his follicle displacement disease and can currently A recent evaluation of his google history shows he
be seen studying for a conjoint degree in Trump by-partisan has googled himself 48 times in the last 30 days. While this
politics and Early Childhood Education. level of dedication to secrecy remains unparalleled, it is
Residing in the greater Boston area, Dan has had heavily anticipated that this profile will also be stricken
several stints in the coaching arena, serving as Assistant from public record.
Men’s Coach at Emerson College and The Catholic
University of America as well as dedicating his time and
resources as Co-Director of Boys Soccer and Program MARK “SCOOP” PHILLIPS
Facilitator at Division 3 National Coaches Leadership 1992-2014, 2018
Institute. It is hard not to view this player’s commitment to
While this may read as an impressive CV, many the green machine without regard to both his impressive
easily recall his antics on his virgin bus trip which like First Team appearance tally and examining his notable body
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